Monday, September 30, 2013

Cyber Support to the Rescue!

I had to do a follow up post because I was looking through a weight loss blog I love, called Honey I Shrunk the Gretchen.  I found this post in her “Best Of” and it made me feel  SO Much Better. 
If you haven’t read it, it speaks of (in summary) habits of the past still lingering within her mind.  There’s this one part where Gretchen said:
Food still holds power over me. Whether or not I actually end up giving into that power is a different story, and more often than not is evidence of my growth and healing. But the fact that it still affects me to such a degree is a major sign that I’m not nearly as free as I like to think.”

I read this along with the rest of the post, and felt understood and comforted.
I’d just like to say, again, how much I love cyber support.  I have gained so much strength and support from perfect strangers that are willing to put themselves out there and share their story. 
That’s why I’m here too.  
On a brighter note, my girlfriend wanted to test out her new camera before doing a photo shoot for some paying clients, and I quickly volunteered my son J  Per her idea, she thought a mini shoot of him and I would be nice.
Though these are a couple months old, and I’ve lost more weight since then, here are a couple she provided to me via Facebook.
 (Side note:  Have you read So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed…  it’s outrageously awesome. 
As soon as I saw these pictures I could see that my gut was ALMOST hanging out below my shirt, and I can see weird arm fat action on the picture of us up in the barn, but, I immediately went to the comfort of that article!!! J) 




Self Control where did you go?


Good thing I pulled out the Halloween decorations over the weekend, because I feel like a WITCH today.


I’m so irritated with myself for the food choices I made yesterday.


 Saturday wasn’t horrible but it wasn’t great either.  I’m on my period, which has been unusually long and I have a hormonal headache that pills can’t touch with a 10 foot pole.    


See.  The thing is.  I feel out of control.  I hate feeling out of control.


Most days, I eat EXCELLENTLY.  Many days, I eat excellent and work out.  On these days,  I feel awesome.  Powerful.  Motivated.  Strong.


Today I feel weak.


I feel like OUT OF THE BLUE, my mind will not allow me to control my portions or my cravings.  I tend to give into them lately, and then feel horrible the next day. 


It’s this cycle that is driving me nuts.  I do so well, and then I CHOOSE to stuff my face with unhealthy food and “blow” it.  I can’t figure out why I make these bad choices.


I know, I know.  It’s OK to have “bad” days, as long as the good outweighs the bad.  I understand the theory of weight loss.  I understand that I do my very best when I follow a path of healthy choices.  Mentally and physically, I truly feel good. 


I understand it.  What I don’t understand is why I repeatedly want to go off the rails?  Throw in the towel, even for a day, and “erase” so much hard work? 


I’m tired of this hold that junk food has over me.  I wish I could break it.  I want to break it.


I can’t understand it.  I’m frustrated.  I’m irritated.  I want to lose weight, but sometimes (frequently lately) I want food more. 


I’m no expert.  But today I’m angry.  I’m so freaking angry.  I’m trapped in this battle with my mind and myself, and I don’t know WHY. 


WHY.  Why does my mind fight me, even though it’s my very own mind that keeps me pushing forward to be healthy? 


I hate the feeling of having no control.  I think to myself…”where’s your willpower?  You don’t have any.  Whats wrong with you?”  and crappy stuff like that.


This journey has its ups and downs, and today I’m down and I’m angry about it. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Memory Share

When I was in 7th grade, I attended a portion of it in a new school.  We had moved from Iowa to a new state, and though I don’t think that we stayed for the full school year, I remember that short time well, because I was pretty miserable. 


I was 13 going on 14, hated that we had moved, and was unknowingly battling depression. 


I didn’t have much confidence, and I definitely had no support group of friends at school; I was the new girl with no friends.


One day, very unexpectedly, I boy who sat next to me said:


“You Know, if you got any fatter and you broke your leg, you’d have to be shot”. 


In case you didn’t know, cattle are often shot if they break a leg.


I never told anyone that before.


I didn’t want my parents to love me less, and they might if they knew what everyone else saw when they looked at me.


I was so stunned; I still remember the heat in my cheeks.  I didn’t say anything back to him.  I hadn’t developed a mouth yet, I was shy, sensitive, and alone.


I just wanted to write that because it sucked for me, and I thought it would be therapeutic to get it off my chest…a secret shame that I don’t want to hold onto anymore, so I relieve myself of the burden by setting it free here.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

A Good Pampering

 Who has time to be pampered?  WE ALL DO!!  We just have to make time.

I work 2nd shift, which has its pros & cons like any shift does.  This shift allows me some extra time in the morning. 
This morning I got up bright and early  at 7:20 am.  (Bright & Early to me, considering I don’t get home until 11 PM J)  I walked out of the bedroom and was really groggy.  I looked into the kitchen and saw Jason standing there cooking crepes.  YUM!  I got Ayden up, dressed, and at the table.  We all enjoyed some crepes.  I had one with sugar-free maple syrup, and one with the strawberry-cherry jam I canned over the summer when strawberries were in peak season. 


Once Ayden was on the bus, and Jason went to bed, I had some free time on my hands.  I washed up the breakfast dishes, unloaded the clean dishwasher and loaded up the straggler glasses I could find around the house. 

I felt spoiled that I woke up to a yummy home-made breakfast – but I’m not complaining!  (Being married to an ex-chef has it’s perks).

I decided to keep the spoiling going and decided to give myself a little pampering time.  I put on a green Mint facial mask.  I put some conditioning oil and deep conditioning therapy cream in my hair, tied it up, and covered it with a plastic cap*.

*Speaking of plastic caps – I don’t know about you but up until recently I figured I was doing great if I found one I could use a few times from the $1.00 store.  The other night when I was at Wal Mart, I was checking out the section of hair care designed for “African American”  people.  Shamefully, I never paid much attention to it before…I was missing out!!!  They had a package of 15 plastic hair caps for about $1.48!!!  I LOVE to do hair treatments since my hair needs all the help it can get, so I’m definitely going to stock up on a few packs of these!

While my mask was tightening and my hair was conditioning, I brewed myself a cup of coffee with some yummy Sugar-Free Italian Crème creamer, and watched some YouTube videos.   It was heavenly.  It was quick…only about 45 minutes.  It made me feel great. 

Soon, I had to get ready to go into work, so I hopped in the shower.  After my shower I put on some of my homemade “miracle” face gel.  It’s amazing.  It’s simply clear Aloe Vera gel (I’d say about a cup) whipped with maybe couple teaspoons of JoJoba oil. (Note:  I have naturally oily skin & hair, so the small amount of oil is perfect for me.  If you have dry skin, you may want more JoJoba)   I slathered it on my face and neck, gave myself a nice rub down of lotion on my arms, legs and torso, and started getting ready for work.   

I felt great, cared about, and much more ready to face the day that was awaiting me outside my front door. 


Do you make time to pamper yourself?  I’m not in the business of bossing anyone around, but, you gotta!  Just do it.  Something small at first is OK, like polishing your toes or fingernails.  Take 30 minutes a week to do something pampering/relaxing  for your body/hair/soul.  You deserve it…we all do.


What do you do to pamper yourself?  Do you have any homemade beauty product recopies you’d recommend? 


Monday, September 23, 2013

Friend Makin Monday, Sept 23rd

It’s time for Kenlie’s Friend Makin’ Mondays (FMM)....

If you’ve participated in FMM in the past, then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over on All The Weigh for this week so everyone can see your FMM questions and answers. The idea of FMM is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to link your own FMM post and then go comment on a couple of other posts.

Relationships and Dating

1.      List five characteristics that you think are important in a significant other.

·         Sense of Humor

·         Sense of Responsibility

·         Able to communicate openly & honestly

·         Supportive of me

·         Loving

2.      If you had to choose between staying single for the next two years (as in, no dating at all,) or receiving $10,000, which would you choose?

If I was single now, and presented with this option, I would totally take the cash :P

3. What is your relationship status? Are you satisfied with it? Married.  Yes, I am satisfied.  There are times when we would like to keeeeel eachother, but it doesn’t last too long.  I’ve never been good at long term relationships, so this has been a new chapter for me.

4. Would you date someone who has children? Of course.

5. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? Not too much shorter…..ok..probably not.  Not because a man shorter than me is horrible, but because I’m a big girl and prefer to have that “protected” feeling. 

6. Would you date someone who has different political views? Yes, as long as it wasn’t something that was constantly brought up…A frank discussion is one thing, but if I were to be tormented with little comments all the time, I think it would drive me insane.

7. If you were going on vacation together, would you choose the beach or the mountains? Since we live near the beautiful mountains already, I would choose a nice warm beach.

8. How do you show someone that you’re interested in them? Flirt, I suppose. ;)

9. Do you prefer to date people who are older than you or younger? Generally, I’d say I mostly dated older men.

10. Share some details of your dream date.

I think a night of sushi, great conversation, a walk and star gazing sounds like a great date night.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to go back and link up in the comments at All The Weigh!


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Colorado Flooding & Getting Back on Track

If you’ve been watching the news lately, you may have noticed that last week the beautiful state of Colorado began to flood. 

It definitely took many of us by surprise…in fact, on Thursday, when I was heading into work in the afternoon, I had NO IDEA what was going on….at all.  My husband works nights, and when he came home in the morning he said something to me about “all the rain”, but I was still mostly asleep and it didn’t register......


Imagine my surprise when I was stuck in a really unusual traffic jam on my way to work, and noticed to my right side that there were literal rapids flowing in the enormous parking lot in front of DSW Shoes & Best Buy.  It only got worse from there, and many, many parts of my town were devastated by flood. 

On the positive side, I am so grateful that my family’s home & my parents’ home wasn’t damaged by the floodwaters.  It hurts my heart to see all of the homes & businesses that were devastated…..

Since my employment involves 9-1-1 & public safety, my company has some groups that are considered to be Essential Personnel.  This makes sense, since we provide nationwide services and support.  My group is essential, we provide 24x7x365, so, since I was one of the employees that actually was able to make it into work (not kidding here, literally every road into our town was shut down at one point…many still are shut down & will be for some time) I basically couldn’t go home.  My employer is wonderful (honestly) and they provided those of us in this circumstance very nice hotel rooms in the hotel right across the street. 

 Wouldn't you know, that hotel had a great mirror set up, so I took this, specifically for this blog (You can see this picture in larger size under my Before & In Progress tab above):


On Thursday, when all of the chaos was starting, once I got into work I felt like I was in a command center.  I was worried about what was going on, and also still in shock.  I was worried about my family & friends, and what was going on outside.  I was so busy thinking, working & fretting that I stopped putting my healthy eating first.  Everything around us closed down, and so our employer had our Bistro people stay to provide food for everyone here. 


It surprises me how easy it was to fall into bad eating.  First it started with having a big lunch and a big dinner.  They were both free, after all.  Then, I started wanting comfort food, and there were plenty of cookies and treats to lift everyone’s mood.  Friday was much the same, I ate more than I needed to and made choices I wouldn’t normally make (like Lay’s Potato chips and Grandma’s cookies….). 


In a matter of days, I felt horrible.  Food affects me SO quickly….putting that extra crap into my system made me feel sluggish, bloated, and like I could feel fat amassing around my neck. 


I did go home on Friday, and the weather remained rainy and more flooding was going on.  We had the stress of a missing family member that lives in the mountains, right where the roads reportedly had washed away & there were mudslides.  (did I mention stress?)  I honestly didn’t eat much better…since I already had the junk food in my system I was much more interested in the unhealthy foods in our house.  Most of the time I don’t give them a second thought…I’ll see them and think “That’s Not My food”, and go about my business”.


The good news is that yesterday (Monday), I got back on track and went to my gym.  I didn’t want to go, but I made myself.  I felt brilliantly better when I was done.  Rejuvenated. 


I want to LIVE.  I want to feel amazing & energetic…not sluggish and overstuffed!!


Comparing it to the flood; when all that flood water finally drains…it leaves behind a mess of sludge and debris.  And when all that unhealthy food leaves my system, it also leaves behind sludge & debris that will require a definite clean-up effort on my part.


Today has been fine, I had a grilled Ham & Cheese for lunch.  Not the healthies choice, but definitely my main meal for the day.  I still feel full, 5.5 hours later.  Likely because I sit behind a desk all day.


Do you ever notice how easy it is to get “off track”?  What methods do you use to get back in the saddle?

Monday, September 16, 2013

Yummy Frozen Yogurt Chips

Note: This was originally posted on my old blog on Sept 9th, 2013. Carried over to this blog for personal & historic reasons.

I stumbled across a website over the weekend I fell in love with – first, because I really dig homemade remedy type things. This site had a multitude of make-at-home beauty essentials (like a home made exfoliating face mask – c’mon! <3!!)

One of the recommended posts that appeared caught my eye because I saw a picture of my current favorite yogurt. It’s the Greek Gods brand, and it’s Honey flavor. I fell in love with it a few weeks ago at our new Lucky’s Market grand opening when I had a sample.

So when I saw that picture, I had to click it – and it was a brilliant idea! I will link it below, but the jist of it is so simple:
Put a cup or so of yogurt into a baggie (no need to measure). Snip a corner and twist the top to make it like a pastry bag. Then, on a cookie sheet (or some flat surface you can easily slide into your freezer), squeeze out small dots about the size of chocolate chips.  

Taa-daaa! That’s it! And it’s a nice treat to have as an ice cream substitute/frozen healthy treat.

Once they froze through, which took about an hour or so, I took a plastic container, put all the yogurt chips into it, and popped it back into the freezer. I don't think it would be too tasty to leave them exposed, they'd probably get that gross frost bite taste?
The website suggests adding in some essential oils, which might be delicious, but I wouldn’t know because the yogurt straight up was good enough for me.
You can find the OG recipie and the other type of how-to’s I mentioned earlier at

What’s your favorite healthy dessert or snack?

The end of "LAZY days"

Note: This was originally posted on my old blog on Sept 9th, 2013. Carried over to this blog for personal & historic reasons.

I’ve been feeling FAN-TAS-TIC, and keeping really busy.

Yesterday (Sunday) I made the decision to have a “lazy” day, and I announced to my family that I just wanted to be home all day, and “be lazy”.


I don’t know why, I wasn’t overly tired from any activity.....I just thought that a lazy day, doing “nothing”, would be "fun".

Well, it wasn't so fun.  In fact, I learned it was not a good choice for me to give myself a green light to be L-a-z-y. 

Why?  We all deserve them, don't we?!?......

Since it was my LAZY day, I talked myself right out of doing my cardio.   I can't be expected to sweat on my lazy day!!! 

Since it was my LAZY day, I let my guard down towards food too.  I decided that pizza sounded great on this LAZY day! We got pizza. I ate 5 big slices of Hand Tossed, with Pepperoni, Ham, Bacon bits, onion & mushroom.

Before I went to bed on my LAZY day, I also helped myself to a square of pan pepperoni pizza from my son’s “box deal”. I wasn’t hungry, but I’d already eaten pizza, and it sure looked good…..and I had already eaten half a pizza anyways, right!?!? What was one more?
Let me just add that I'm no lightweight eater.  Years of overeating have made would you say... "a pro".  (sad)

I woke up early this morning from bad stomach pain.

Here I’ve spent the last several weeks filling myself with small portions, of HEALTHY food, like fruit & veg or nuts or lean meats.   Only to bitch smack my body with some Pizza Hut.
I over did it, and my body suffered.

Today I have been thinking about my eating last night. To be honest, I surprised myself eating like that. I’ve been on the right track, but so quickly made bad food choices.

I am officially removing “LAZY day” from my vocabulary.

When I want a “low-key” type of day again, I will declare it a “ME-day”, so that I focus on doing positive things for myself that aren’t necessarily lazy, like exercising. That type of day wouldn’t hold my hand to make bad food choices, like stuffing myself on pizza.

On my future ME days, I will take time to exercise my body. I will take time to pamper myself with foot soaks/facials/eyebrow plucking sessions/hair dye; anything and everything, but take the “lazy” out of it.

What do you do on your “ME” days?

Friend Makin' Mondays - but, on a Tuesday that *feels* like a Monday

Note: This was originally posted on my old blog on Sept 3rd, 2013. Carried over to this blog for personal & historic reasons.

It’s time for my first round of Kenlie’s Friend Makin’ Mondays (FMM).... Even though it's a Tuesday that *feels* like a Monday!

If you’ve participated in FMM in the past, then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over on Kenlie’s FMM post for this week so everyone can see your FMM questions and answers. The idea of FMM is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to link your own FMM post and then go comment on a couple of other posts. Now, on to this week’s topic!

Have You Ever?

1. Jumped out of an airplane? No, and no dreams of doing it either!

2. Lived alone? Yes, in my past I did. I didn’t mind it at all, and would even call it enjoyable. J

3. Met a celebrity? The only one I’ve ever really met is John Leguizamo – and I ran into him at an eye care clinic in Phoenix. He was gracious and gave me an autograph J

4. Said something to someone that you immediately regret saying? Ohhh yeah. I can have a quick temper and say things that I don’t mean if I’m not careful.

5. Had a manicure/pedicure? Nope. Neither. Ever.

6. Gotten a hickey? Oh sure, these days though it’s an accident rather than a badge of glory.

7. Owned a pet that was not a dog or a cat? My sister and I grew up having hamsters. Now, my son has hamsters. I also had a turtle I found in the Missouri river named Raindrop.

8. Been outside of your home country? Only to Mexico. Ole!

9. Kissed your best friend? No.

10. Eaten food that fell on the floor? I believe in the 5 second rule…though my husband says that there is no such thing.

11. Met someone online? I have, yes. I hope to meet more in the future, maybe at Fitbloggin? I’m new to all this so maybe someday….

12. Been on TV? Not that I can think of!

13. Had braces? No. I always thought I should to correct my overbite, but it’s not bad enough to fret over.

14. Gone skinny dipping? Back in the day, yes. I would now if we had our own pool, but we don’t!

15. Been to the opera? No, but I do like seeing it on movies.

16. Been caught making out by a policeman? Once, years ago, in Iowa. We didn’t realize it but the car had started to sink into the very wet ground..the police thought we were stuck and it turned out we were..

17. Sung in public? In group settings.

18. Handed out candy on Halloween? Yes! But since I have my son the last several years we are out knocking on doors rather than answering the door.

19. Been snowed in? Yes, about once a year here in my part of Colorado we get a big storm that makes driving impossible if you don’t have a 4x4 or huge truck. It’s not a bad experience. I’m a big fan of snowmen, hot cocoa, and lazy winter days.

20. Fallen in front of other people? Yes. Several years ago I fell in front of Super Wal-Mart. I broke my leg with that fall, and it took a huge toll on my emotions and weight.

21. Cheated on a test? I’ll plead the 5th on that. J

22. Regretted saying “I love you” to someone? One time when I said it and hadn’t meant it. That was stupid.

23. Finished a meal in a restaurant and realized that you didn’t have your wallet? No, I’m pretty ultra paranoid about that type of thing.

24. Shot a gun? Yes! I used to have a Llama 45 and liked to shoot it off in the desert. I haven’t shot a gun for at least a decade now though, unless you count the shooting range at Bass Pro Shop.

25. Heard a song that was written for (or about) you? Some songs I have such a connection to I’d like to BELIEVE they are about me! But, no, not a real song. There is the Ah Leah song by Donnie Iris that I love.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to go over to Kenlie’s blog and link up in the comments! Happy Tuesday that feels like Monday!

I hit 100.0 pounds LOST today at Weight Watchers .......That is 100 pounds in 54 weeks!!

Note: This was originally posted on my old blog on Aug 28th 2013. Carried over to this blog for personal & historic reasons.

I know, I know...... the title totally kills the suspense.
I guess waiting to be able to say that for 54 weeks makes me anxious :)

I allllmost didn't weigh in today - I didn't figure anything fantastic had happened because I caught a bad cold on Saturday have done more sleeping than anything. I had been so psyhed last week about getting out of the 300's that I didn't notice how close I was to 100 lbs :)

I guess the lack of appetite and good rest paid off. :)

I made a journal when I first decided to join weight watchers and make a commitment to myself to lose weight. Before then, I was a remorseful but willing participant in over-eating and self acceptance.
I simply accepted being fat and made sure I looked at mirrors from the waist up.

I've temporarily misplaced that journal, the one where I also keep my body measurements. I rearranged my craft/exercise room, and that's how come I can't find it. But, I started thinking about it and am going to hunt around to try to do my measurements 100 pounds difference.

When I first started, there was a part of my body that was so big that I could not fit the tape measure around it. I had to mark and then move the tape measure and kind of guess. As you can imagine, the measurement ended in "ish" I think it was "68ish" inches.

I think tape measures are 58" long.

Yep. I call the area my Butt-To-Gut, aka, the largest part of me.

I've taken measurements a couple times along the way. Then I kinda lost track of it.

It's nice to have measurements beyond the scale. Since I don't go get my fat calibrated or anything, my measures have been scale, clothing size, tape measure mentioned above, and that's about it.

What do you do to keep track? Do you go to a gym that tracks things for you?

Pleateaus, Drive Thru’s and Addiction… Oh My!

Note: This was originally posted on my old blog on Aug 23rd 2013.  Carried over to this blog for personal & historic reasons.
I had hit a point where I was beginning to feel that I was trapped. For some reason, unknown to me, my appetite was suddenly ravenous, and my brain was craving that “FULL” feeling. Not satisfied, but that F-U-L-L feeling that makes me sleepy afterwards.

I started thinking that maybe “this was it” for me. That my weight had gotten as low as it would get.

I didn’t give up and I kept going…..but only some parts of my healthy lifestyle…for example, I was still doing fairly regular work outs. My diet was what was failing me. I kept desiring to overeat, and not on anything healty….pizza hut, taco bell, KFC…. You know, all the stuff that isn’t doing my body or mind any good.

After keeping going and not getting anywhere weight loss wise or mentally, I decided to visit my dr.

I had an idea of what I wanted…something to give me a “boost”. This prescription does diminish my appetite, which has only reiterated to me that much of my eating has little to do with hunger. At least my unhealthy eating.

Maybe much of it is bad habit. I’m not sure. I guess I’ve never felt that I was an “emotional” eater..I just love food and could put away quite a lot of it at any given time.

I have come to the realization that when I allow myself to have any type of fast food, I only crave it more and more rather than feeling satisfied. At this point in time, I’ve told myself that I will avoid drive thru’s. I’ve been avoiding them for almost 2 weeks now. I don’t know how long I will keep up with this, because I know myself and if I start telling myself I can’t have it again ever, then I will feel deprived, depressed, and ruthlessly plot until I get my 5 layer burrito despite myself.

I’ve come to terms that food is a type addiction for me. Some foods are “trigger” foods that set me off into a path of eating poorly and feeling guilty and bad about myself.

I’ve always had an addictive personality. At one point in my life or another, I’ve been addicted to tobacco, drugs, men, and food. I never realized it when I was younger, but as I’ve gotten older I can look back and see things through more experienced eyes.

So, it’s a curse of sorts. It’s the same type of curse that when I watch “Intervention” or “Hoarders” that my heart goes out to the people on the show. Daily struggle.

The lining is that for me, the struggle eases up after I’ve put healthy habits into practice. Yesterday I told myself I only need to worry about not going to a drive through one day at a time. I know this is a mantra of AA, and it resonates with me. I can handle one day at a time.


Note:  This post was originally published on my old blog Aug 22nd 2013...carried over for personal historic reasons.


Wednesdays are my regular weigh in day at Weight Watchers. My mom, my partner in crime weight loss, decided to opt out of weigh in for the day. Neither of us does that very often, so it was no biggie. I went in, wondering if I had come out of my slump. It was less than a week since I’d gone to see my Dr. to explain that I was just feeling blah and that I needed some temporary *“help”.  The prescription she gave me is only temporary, with a requirement that I am back every 29 days to have blood pressure monitored. Since I know it’s just a temporary thing (no more than 1-6 months) I’ve decided to take FULL advantage of the subsided appetite and increased energy. I fully believe this will help me get back onto track, full term.

*I know that everyone isn’t big on taking aids or supplements, but I made the choice to do so, and feel good about it.

The scale showed my steady work outs paid off! I lost 4.6 for the week, putting me at a total loss of 98.6 lb, and total weight 299.4.

Yeah, I said that. 299.4!!!!!! I MADE IT OUT OF THE 300’s!!!!!!!!!!! This was the goal I had been hoping to hit as a “mini” goal, and have been working for it the last 54 weeks. Just over a year.

I am rejoicing. I feel capable…empowered…and hopeful. :)

Whats a recent goal you have reached?

It's the little things....

*Note: This was originally posted on AUGUST 6th, 2013 on my old blog..added for historic purposes*

Last night I was sitting down relaxing before bedtime.  It was a long day at work, and I was vegging out.  Since it's summer, the AC is on and there was a fan blowing directly on me. 
All the sudden I realized I was cold. I got up to grab a blanket and made a pit stop in the restroom. I noticed my robe hanging there on the back of the door, and thought it sounded nice and cozy.

That robe means a lot to was the robe I bought last December when I was about 35 pounds into my weight loss; the FIRST adult robe I’d ever had that I could comfortably fit all the way around me. It is an XXL (I believe Mossimo brand, from Target). Without much further thought, I put it on.


I could have rolled on the floor dying…I was swimming in it!!! Rather than it “just fitting”, I would estimate I had an extra 8 to 9 inches worth of fabric to cuddle around me..

It couldn’t have come at a better time either. Lately I’d hit a lull of discouragement. That robe made me realize that small losses will continue to add up, and weeks with no loss but maintaining pay off too. I got so excited I made a post to document it on my Fit, Fierce & Fabulous group on Facebook.

Have you ever gone to put on some clothing and found that it had gotten too big? What was it? Was it sheer joy or bittersweet?

Rabbit * Rabbit * Rabbit*

*Note:  This was originally posted on AUGUST 1st, 2013 on my old blog..added for historic purposes*

My first post, on the first day of the month. Years ago my friend Karen told me about the importance of announcing “Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit” upon waking on the first day of any month…it’s for good luck. Guess what…I’m NOT a morning person, and in all these years I’ve *yet* to remember to say it first thing….The way I see it, if I say it sometime on the first day, there’s gotta be a little good luck left in there somewhere. J

I’m really getting sleepy this evening. Yesterday was my day off and I packed up my mom, my son, and his friend to go to an Amusement park in Denver named Lakeside Amusement Park. I had never heard of this place, I assume because Elitche’s gets most of the attention. In any case, as luck would have it, one of my girlfriends at work had a free pass and some extra coupons to pass along to me that they couldn’t use. I was not sure what to expect, so as with most everything I Googled it. It was an amusing mix of reviews, from people loving the nostalgia to people claiming it to be straight up ghetto. Hey…I’m just a white bread type of girl..this sounded up my alley. Off we went.

NOTE: Originally, I was just going to take my son (who shall from here on out be referred to as Ayden) and go with him on a mommy son date…but then, I almost panicked realizing that I probably wouldn’t FIT into several of the rides, and I did not want to ruin Ayden’s day. So we last minute grabbed a great friend and my mom, packed up a cooler with some drinks and snacks, and headed down.

To make a long story short, it was a BLAST. If you don’t have your heart set on huge fancy rides, definitely check this place out if you are in Denver. The park sits right along side a very large lake (hence the name!), and the view is beautiful. Literally the lake is glimmering in the sun, the mountains are easily visible in the distance, and there is a nice amount of mature trees and shrubbery throughout the park. It really cracked me up, but there was kale growing all over the place…it looked like Christopher Xavier could come harvest the Cabbage Patch Kids at any moment (Hello children of the 80’s that “get” that reference J). My mom’s knees have been improving with her successful weight loss she’s been rockin', but it was still nice to have little benches and seating areas absolutely everywhere in case she did want to sit. The park was laid back, they allow anyone to take drinks and food in and not spend a dime on any of their concessions…though if you did, you won’t be set back more than $2.00 each for a slice of pizza, cotton candy, popcorn or drinks. That’s cheaper than the movie theater!

Okay, I am realizing that I am turning this into a review of the park and getting away from my actual point..I do get sidetracked all the time occasionally!

My point to discuss is the whole part about my anxiety of not fitting into rides. When I started my weight loss journey just over a year ago, being able to fit into rides was on the list I wrote out of accomplishments I was desiring and hoping for. Some of the rides did look like a tight squeeze, so I avoided them. Others were fine or looked totally fine (but I didn’t go because Ayden’s friend was wanting to go too and I could live without the motion sickness)!

When it was time to get on my first ride, I was waiting in line and honestly getting a really little sweaty wondering if my bumper car would move or if I would be too heavy to make it move (I’m about 303 lbs. right now). When that electricity started up, I hit my gas pedal praying I wouldn’t be stuck there like a blob, and whoosh - I was off in a flash! I was EXHILLARATED!!!! My car could get speed and I could really bump into people…as an automatic reflex, anytime I did get someone I went into automatic joyous laughter mode. All that panic of failure lifted off of my shoulders, I felt like a kid again…having fun… Guess what? I LiVeD again, the way I want to live!!! I did something that I wanted to do but one year ago (and 96+ lbs heavier) would have NEVER attempted. J

I told Ayden that we will be back next summer, and my goal is to be able to go on and damn ride I want to!

Each victory I've experienced through my weight loss has been so, so sweet, and yesterday was a total victory for me on a personal level. Even if I hadn’t ridden on one ride, just the fact that I WANTED to go spend the day walking around an amusement park is a big change….not that I didn’t feel like a shitty mom over that, but before I would have been filled with dread rather than excitement because my lower back and hips would have been screaming at me after an hour or so.

Baby steps, baby steps. J Eventually I will know that I can get onto any roller coaster and the belt/straps will fit without problem, and I will be so happy.

Have you ever experienced fear at an amusement park because of your BODY (rather than a ride)? What was your experience like? Do you have any rides that you really want to get on?